


Getting Lucky

by A Sirius Crush On Moony (Obsession137)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cheesy pick-up lines, M/M, Sexual innuendos, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 21:33:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4074613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obsession137/pseuds/A%20Sirius%20Crush%20On%20Moony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius decides to use some cheesy pick-up lines on poor Remus, who just wanted to study.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting Lucky

Remus Lupin sat in the library with a large tome on the desk in front of him open on page 321. He also had what looked to be the longest piece of parchment known to wizard, and a very thoughtful expression on his face. He had written at least 13 inches of parchment already and wasn't even halfway through his homework yet.

He was so deep in thought that he never noticed someone walking into the library and sitting down on the chair opposite him until he heard the other person clear their throat.

Remus glanced up and sighed.

"Yes?" he said to Sirius, who was leaning back in his chair and smirking.

"I wanna be your Dumblewhore," Sirius whispered across the desk.

Remus's eyes widened and he fought the urge to laugh. "What the heck?" he said.

"Whatcha reading there, Rem?" Sirius asked, peering over at the book.

"It's about trolls in the18th Century," Remus replied.

"Oh. Well if you want to learn to speak troll, I can get you grunting in no time."

Remus flushed crimson. "Sirius," he hissed. "What's gotten into you."

"You just make me so horny, Remmy," Sirius whined.

"Oh, please don't call me that," Remus replied, sighing. He doubted he'd get his essay done now. He folded up the parchment and put his bookmark in the book. "How can I help?"

"You know I like you," Sirius said.

"Yes, I gathered that," Remus laughed.

"I love you."

"I-er-thanks?" Remus said uncomfortably. "Look, Sirius. I know you have, um, feelings for me, but these cheesy pick-up lines won't work. I'm just not gay."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Got one. Once you go black you siriusly don't go back."

Remus pursed his lips to hide a smile. "Pathetic," he said.

"The thought of you makes something vast and silver erupt from my wand," Sirius said, winking.

"Oh Merlin," Remus said, blushing. "Where did you get these from?"

"James and I made them up. I'm using them on you and he's using them on Lily. Some of them I can't use on you though because you're a guy."

"Like what?" Remus asked in interest.

"I think James's favourite was 'I don't need aguamenti to make you wet'," Sirius said, shaking his head.

"Sirius?" Remus said softly.

"Mmhmm?"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I wish I could love you back the way you love me."

Sirius smiled sadly. "Me too. You know, being without you is like being afflicted with the Cruciatus Curse."

"Did you just slip another one into the conversation?" Remus asked suspiciously.

"No, of course not."

"Mhm," Remus said, standing up. "I'm going upstairs now. Are you coming?"

"Not yet," Sirius said slyly. Remus rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"You are hopeless, you know that?"

"Hopelessly in love with you."

"Silly mutt," Remus said, nudging him. "Come on."

They headed upstairs to the Gryffindor common room, and entered through the portrait hole. The first thing they saw was James hanging from the chandelier with a bright pink afro and pimples all over his face. He was still grinning like a madman despite his predicament and staring at Lily.

She was standing, pointing her wand at him. She didn't look amused.

"Lily, let's practice Alohamora... you can be the door so I can slam you all I want."

Remus put his head in his hands, while Sirius grinned gleefully. Lily flushed furiously and James soon had goofy teeth to accompany his afro and his pimples.

"Let's go upstairs," Sirius said.

"Yes, I can't bear to see him embarrass himself any longer," Remus said.

Just as they were leaving the common room, they could faintly hear James's voice saying the words "wand" and "erupt".

"Remmy," Sirius said, as they entered their dormitory. Remus rolled his eyes.

"Yes?"

"You look tired," he said. "Going to bed? Mind if I  _Slytherin_?"

"Oh dear."

"Get it?" Sirius said excitedly. "Slither... in... like Slytherin? Get it?"

"Oh, I got it," Remus replied. He didn't like the way Sirius's pick-up lines were affecting him. He was actually beginning to get turned on, and that was not good.

"Remus," Sirius said.

"Yes?"

"Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Sirius winked.

Remus blushed once more, horrified. "I, uh, okay. Sirius. Enough with the cheesy pick-up lines."

"Is that because they're working?"

"N-no."

"You're so adorable when you stutter," Sirius said with a grin. Remus bit his lip and looked away.

"Enough," he muttered.

"And when you're all embarrassed, I just want to kiss you."

" _Sirius_ ," Remus said, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"I'm not wearing an invisibility cloak, but do you think I could still visit your restricted section tonight?"

Remus walked towards his bed and sat down, trying to ignore Sirius.

"Rem, have you been using the Petrificus Totalus spell? Because you've made me stiff."

Remus shut the curtains on his bed and tried to block out Sirius's voice, and tried to forget how turned on he was now.

"If you were a basilisk, I wouldn't mind dying just to look into your eyes."

Remus grinned despite his stubbornness. If he was being completely honest with himself, although he talked the talk about not being gay and having no feelings for Sirius, he couldn't really walk the walk.

He had a feeling he was falling hard for his best friend.

It had been a long time coming, and he found himself thinking about Sirius more and more often and it was at times like this that he just wanted to give in and just say "yes, I want you too," but he was just too afraid of what it meant to be Sirius's  _boyfriend_.

Sirius Black was a handful.  _Everyone_  fancied Sirius. He just wondered why Sirius would fancy him.

Sirius poked his head through the curtains and smiled at Remus.

"Jeez," Remus said. "You scared me."

"Forget the train honey, just hop on my platform 9 and 3 quarters."

"Okay Sirius, that's enough," Remus said sternly. "You're going a bit over the top now."

"Oh," Sirius whined. "That was my best one yet!"

Remus sighed and took a deep breath. It was time, he decided. If Sirius could be so happy and carefree about the whole ordeal, then why couldn't Remus? After all, he was a Gryffindor.

"It's my turn," Remus said quietly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows.

Smiling, Remus cleared his throat. "Sirius, I really need a pensieve because my head is filled with thoughts about you, and you know what? If I were to look into the Mirror of Erised, I'd see the two of us together."

Sirius's smile was priceless. Remus's heart rate picked up.

Before they knew what was happening, they were kissing and it was perfect. Their lips fit together like they were made for each other, and neither wanted to stop, but unfortunately air was an issue.

When they broke apart, they stared at each other for a good minute with smiles on their faces.

Then Sirius's face cracked into a grin. "I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I'm about to get lucky."

Remus blushed.

"If you know what I mean," Sirius winked, staring Remus up and down with lust-filled eyes.

All Remus could do was cough in embarrassment and mutter, "you don't need Felix Felicis."

* * *

When James and Peter entered the dormitory that night, they were both scarred for life, for the noises coming from Remus's bed were the noises that nobody should hear coming from their friends' mouths.

"What was that noise?" Peter asked after they left the room.

"Sirius getting lucky."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," James said, shuddering at the thought. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
